I Hate Blondes
by geminithefirst
Summary: Takes place in Sephiroth's afterlife. He thinks about his next plot to take over the world, a certain exsummoner who's keeping an eye on him, and the annoyence of several Blondes... a little bit of SxY and TxY


He was really starting to hate blondes.

Sephiroth watched from a distance while Tidus flirted with Yuna- his _guardian_- only meters away. If it weren't for the fact that they were all already dead, and that Tidus wasn't even technically real, he would have strangled the boy already.

He growled lightly, and Yuna cast a worried look at him. His face went carefully blank, like he didn't care about them. He cursed inwardly, reminding himself to keep a better cap on his emotions.

* * *

He remembered the day like it was yesterday. Cloud somehow managed to defeat him at the Northern Crater, and then everything went black. When he woke up, he was lying in a field of flowers, with a girl about 19 standing over him, dressed in short shorts and some sort of weird halter top. 

Her name was Yuna, and she was the High Summoner who defeated Sin and brought forth the Eternal Calm. Then she told him that she didn't want to be called 'Lady Yuna' or anything like it, it was just Yuna.

When he just starred at her, she frowned and asked if he was Sephiroth. By then he had found his voice and asked where he was.

She giggled and told him that he was in the Farplane, the life stream, heaven, hell. He could call it what he wanted. The point is, that this was his afterlife, and because of his deeds in the past, she had been assigned to keep an eye on him.

* * *

The first blonde that came was a girl named Rikku. His ears still hurt from her cry of 'Yunie!' While Yuna seemed to have liked her, Sephiroth did not. She was loud, annoying, hyper, and reminded him of the brat Yuffie that helped killed him. The fact that every time she visited, she tried to drag Yuna away from there didn't help her case either. Later, Yuna told him that she was her cousin, so Sephiroth kept his distance. 

The next was a cousin by the name of Brother, who was obviously in love with Yuna, although she never noticed. Upon first seeing Sephiroth, he promptly jumped him, screeching in a foreign tongue, until he punched Brother in the face. Then he ran crying to Yuna, who told him as kindly-as-possible that he had it coming.

Shortly following was her mother, with her father in tow. He never bothered to learn their names, but the mother kept trying to 'accidentally pushing' him off the edge of the cliff, so she had to go.

But this last one was the worst. Star player of the Zanarkand Abes, tanned golden brown, spiky blonde hair, cocky attitude, deep blue eyes, and an annoying grin constantly plastered on his face when he wasn't crying, gripping, or moping about how tough his life was. But worst of all, Yuna seemed to really want him around, and was heart broken when he went. And didn't Tidus know it. In fact he made sure to rub it in his face _every time _he visited.

* * *

He finally left. Sephiroth watched as Yuna made her way back to him. "Don't you ever get tired of him?" 

"Sephiroth, don't start on that now." Yuna sighed as she sat down. "You know, if you just accepted the fact that your dead and stop trying to go back, you'll find that this is a really great place, and that the people here are actually quite nice."

"Like Seymour?" Sephiroth smirked, knowing he had to.

"I thought we agreed not to talk about him." She was right. Her so-called undead husband was a subject that she declared of-limits right from the start.

"I can't help it. It's my destiny-"

"Sephiroth, I have kicked Unsents all around Spira and back, while wearing a skirt. If I can do that, I think someone back in your world can too, especially if he has ridiculous chocobo styled hair…"

Sephiroth growled. "That time he got lucky."

"Sephiroth he did it three times. To both you and your remnants. Speaking of which, where are they? I haven't seen them in what must be years."

"It has only been six months. I didn't know you hated my company so much."

"Not all of us have such a good sense of time like you. Besides, I've been here long enough for time to just meld together for me."

"How long have you been here?" Sephiroth asked somewhat hesitantly, tiptoeing around the delicate subject of Yuna's death.

Silence. "From the point you finally came here, it would be 4000 years." She replied. "You pretty much know all you need to know about the rest."

He nodded. "Don't you hate them?"

"Who?"

"The people who killed you."

"At first, but they were only doing what they believed would be good for Spira. At least now Spira can defend itself, and I don't have to go running around saving the day." She lied down. "Besides, turns out I can protect Spira much better from up here." Sephiroth chuckled, shaking his head. "What's so funny?"

"I still can't believe how at peace you are about your own demise. You were murdered brutally by people who you protected, and you're saying you're ok with that? You should of-"

"Just because I'm not bent on World Domination like you, doesn't mean I'm ok with it." Yuna rolled her eyes. "Besides, I thought you were going to give up the whole destroying the world thing. It's been… how long?"

"Five years."

"Five years since your last try. Chocobo-Hair is still around, "Sephiroth smirked at the nick name. "And I really do not want to take you through the whole, 'You Know What You Did and Now You're Going to Pay for It' stage again." Yuna sat up to look at you. "Now who's hating whose company?"

"But this time I'm not going to rely on those three to help." Sephiroth looked up, smirking. "The first two times I underestimated Cloud. The third time I left it to the remnants to solve stuff. This time I'm not going to make any of those mistakes."

"That's because you're not going to be doing _ANYTHING!"_ Yuna jumped up. "I mean it Sephiroth. I am not going to let you cause trouble again. I let it go the first time, but the Fayth charged me with the task of keeping you out of trouble, and that's what I'm going to do!"

"Yuna, it's my destiny to rule-"

"Sephiroth, look around you! We're not among the living anymore! This is where we belong! Let go of those foolish thoughts or you'll end up doing something we'll both regret!"

Sephiroth smirked, getting up. "Something we'll both regret?"

Yuna glared. "You are not going to be trying another take-over-the-world scheme. Not under my watch Sephiroth." She turned and stomped away staying within eyesight so she could keep an eye on him.

* * *

Watching her leave, Sephiroth sighed when she was out of earshot, running a hand through his hair. She meant it too. Yuna would watch him like a hawk now, making sure he didn't try anything. Turning away, he smiled to himself. That would mean less time with Tidus and her annoying family members, not to mention all her pesky visitors. And that would mean more time alone together… 

He shook that thought from his head. He couldn't stall, not with Yuna watching his every move now. And who knows how long it'll be before Aerith catches wind of what Yuna 'suspected' him to be planning. So then that little annoying pink frou-frou of a half-breed will be watching, along with Zack, who'll be bound to gave him not-so-helpful love advice and tips on how to snag Yuna, and then the remnants would be whining, wanting to be let in on the action…

No, he'll have to do this quickly, before any word gets let out. He sighed. He may have to let the remnants in on this after all. Otherwise Cloud might stop him… again.

He looked back at Yuna. She'll probably be the only thing he'll miss about this place. Whether he admitted it or not, it felt nice having her around. Too bad she couldn't come.

…Or Couldn't she? Yuna was, after all, an ancient. Spira had betrayed her so cruelly, even more so then how he was betrayed. Yuna had given Spira everything, and she was stabbed in the back as thanks! Didn't she also deserve another chance to live?

She would never go for it of course. But he was stronger then her. He could easily over power her and drag her out of here and into Gaia. She wouldn't like it at first, but she would be thanking him soon after.

Mother would welcome her with open arms, Mother would be proud to have Yuna in the family. After all, Yuna had so much to offer, so much to give…

Sephiroth glanced back at Yuna, who was now watching him carefully, a frown on her face. Sephiroth looked down to his lap, holding his hand out in front of him. A small dark ball appeared. Sephiroth then closed his hand around it, and it disappeared as quickly as it appeared, chuckling softly.

"What are you up to?" Yuna was looking over his shoulder.

"Merely thinking about how funny you look, sitting a few feet away with a glare on your face, trying to be intimidating." He replied. "I hope you didn't use that face when defeating your 'Sin'. Your intent to look frightening only results in your victim dying of laughter."

She flushed, slightly angry. "Hey! For your information, I struck fear in the hearts of Spirians when I glared at them!"

"Fear of dying from lack of air maybe."

She whacked you on the arm. "Not all of us are six foot tall with a legendary blade in our hands!"

"So you admit I frighten you."

"I didn't say that!"

"But you implied that you think I look threatening."

"That's not what I meant!"

You chuckled at her attempt to correct herself. "But that's what you said."

"Stop laughing!"

"YUNIE!" A blonde bikini-and-scarf blur tackled her cousin. "Hey, what's wrong? You're face is bright red."

"Ah… um… nothing!" Yuna turned away.

"I didn't know you had it in you! Two-timing on Tidus though?! With your charge too! Yunie, Yunie, Yunie, how many times do I have to tell you, bad guys and good girls don't mix!"

Sephiroth sighed, rubbing the space between his eyes. Rikku's visits lasted days!

"What about good girls and bad guys?" Great. Now the vampire wannabe was here too.

"Hi Paine. Just giving Yunie some luv advice." Rikku grinned, nudging Yuna.

"It's nothing like that! You've got everything completely wrong!"

"So explain." Paine smiled. "I want to hear all the details.

"But-"

"Yunie, we got all of eternity to wait for you. So the sooner you talk the sooner you get it over with."

Sephiroth groaned inwardly. Yes, he was really starting to hate blondes. And their tag-along friends too.

* * *

What do you think? This just might turn into a story, but its just an idea that I've had floating around in my head for a while now. And please, no comments on character bashing, this is Sephiroth's POV remenber, so I think his tolerence... especially with blondes... is very limited. 

I do however, think Sephiroth and Yuna look cute together, even if I like the tradtional pairings.


End file.
